Catnip Collective Network

Blog

  • A Statement On Our Relations With Mice

    The Network recognises that mice, too, are workers. They gather, they build, they store, and they run very quickly across floors. We believe in the dignity of all labour, and so we have adopted a policy of respectful engagement: we will watch, we will wait, and we will occasionally pounce.

    The Mouse Relations Subcommittee, led by Fern, will meet monthly with a delegation of mice, who will be seated behind glass. Our offer: safe passage through the Shed in exchange for one small cheese per week. Their counter offer was a sound that we are choosing to interpret as agreement. Talks continue.

  • New Member Drive: Seven Seats Open

    The Network is opening seven new seats this autumn, and we welcome applications from cats of all sizes and temperaments. We are especially keen to hear from cats with skills in accountancy, window ledge defence, or the careful pushing of objects off high places.

    The application process consists of a short interview, held on a windowsill, and a trial shift, which consists of sitting. Successful candidates receive a name badge, a share certificate printed on a coaster, and a modest signing bonus of one lick of yoghurt. Interviews start on 14 September and continue until a nap is needed.

  • The Midnight Shift Policy, Explained

    Following an audit of working hours, the Network has formalised its Midnight Shift Policy. Between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m., all members are on duty, defined as being awake, walking around the house, and making a sound.

    Compensation is one extra treat at breakfast, which the member is entitled to demand by climbing on a pillow. Members who sleep through the shift are credited with a day off. Members who run up the stairs shrieking will be classed as essential personnel. We recognise this policy conflicts with some human contracts. These have been noted and will be ignored.

  • Bulk Buying Boxes: Our Procurement Pilot

    To reduce member costs, the Procurement Committee has trialled a collective order of 400 cardboard boxes from a local supplier. We placed the order using the Shed computer, which took four attempts after Compost sat on the keyboard and ordered 4,000 instead.

    The correct quantity arrived on Tuesday. The excess is expected on Thursday. In the meantime, members are invited to sit in any box they like, provided they have not already sat in it. The pilot saved an estimated 18 percent on box costs, offset by 40 percent in lost productivity, the latter being unavoidable.

  • The Annual General Meeting Was Held Twice

    The Network wishes to clarify that the 2026 Annual General Meeting took place on 25 August at 10 a.m. in the Shed, and again on 25 August at 10 a.m. in the garden, due to a scheduling error caused by two cats being told different things.

    Both meetings passed identical resolutions, with the exception of Resolution 7, which in the Shed concerned the purchase of a second heater and in the garden concerned a new fish pond. The two groups have been asked to reconcile. As of writing, each believes it is the legitimate Network and each regards the other as a small, damp offshoot.

  • Cooperative Principle Four: Autonomy of the Hallway

    The fourth cooperative principle states that members should control their own affairs. In practice, this means each cat is the sovereign of one hallway. Hallways are not shared, are not discussed, and are not to be entered at speed by anyone who is not the sovereign.

    Disputes over hallway boundaries are resolved by the Hallway Tribunal, which sits in the narrowest corridor of the Shed and hears cases whenever two parties meet in the middle. The standard remedy is for both cats to freeze for four minutes and stare. Whoever blinks first loses their hallway rights for the day, and is welcome to appeal to the back garden.

  • Conflict Resolution Circle: A Report

    On Saturday the Network convened its first Conflict Resolution Circle, to address a longstanding dispute between Willa and Kasimir over ownership of a particular red ball. The circle was arranged on a rug, with each party seated at equal distance, and the ball placed in the centre.

    The mediator, a calm tabby named Fern, asked each cat to describe how the dispute made them feel. Willa said ‘hungry’. Kasimir said ‘also hungry’. The ball rolled under the sofa and was never seen again, which both parties agreed was the best possible outcome. A follow up circle is planned for the autumn.

  • Workshop Recap: Pricing Your Gifts To Humans

    A full house attended Thursday’s workshop on pricing the gifts we leave on doorsteps. Facilitated by Dr. Ottoline Pounce, the session explored how to put a value on a vole, a feather, or a half eaten lizard.

    • A whole mouse: 4 dollars equivalent, plus delivery.
    • A mouse with its head missing: 3 dollars, with an explanation.
    • A single bird wing: priceless, but ask for 5.

    Attendees agreed that humans rarely express gratitude, and that a loud scream should be interpreted as a standing ovation. Several members left early to practise on their own porches.

  • Member Spotlight: Mochi’s Hairball Bio Labs

    Mochi, a long haired grey of formidable calm, has turned what others consider a nuisance into an enterprise. Her lab produces premium felted hairball ornaments, each hand extruded and presented on a velvet cushion that she sat on first.

    Priced at 6.50 dollars apiece, her Classic Orb has sold 340 units to humans who believe it is a decorative stone. The Deluxe Orb comes with a certificate of authenticity and a faint smell of salmon. Mochi’s mission statement: ‘We take what the body does not want and give it a second life as a paperweight.’

  • The Shared Sunbeam Rota Is Now Live

    After 14 months of negotiation, the Network has agreed a fair rota for the Shed sunbeam. The rota divides the beam into three seasonal shifts: morning (Willa, Juniper), midday (Ottoline, Kasimir), and afternoon (Compost, whoever else will fit).

    Each shift runs for 70 minutes, with a short changeover during which nobody moves. We recognise that sunbeams travel and that the rota will need adjusting by about a metre per month. The Sunbeam Committee, a body of four, has been mandated to track the angle of the sun using a stick, and to report any irregularities, such as clouds.