Catnip Collective Network

Blog

  • Budget For 2027: What We Plan To Do With 83 Tins

    The Finance Committee has presented its draft budget for the coming year. Total expected income is 83 tins, 12 boxes and some goodwill. Expenditure will be split between operations (40 percent), new member recruitment (20 percent) and a reserve fund for the inevitable sofa.

    Notable line items include a heater upgrade, a new scratching post for the board room, and 2 tins for a retreat to be held in a nearby garden shed. The budget will be put to the membership for approval next Tuesday. Members are reminded that sitting on the budget does not count as a vote unless it is the correct page.

  • Harvest Festival At The Shed

    Join us on Saturday 31 October for the Network’s annual Harvest Festival. This year’s programme includes a grand catnip tasting, a mouse parade (observation only), and a raffle with first prize of one genuine, unopened tin of the good fish.

    Stalls will be run by member businesses, including Mochi’s Hairball Bio Labs, Kasimir’s Hammock Collective, and a new stand selling slightly warm bread. Entry is free, though donations are welcome in the form of snacks. Fern has volunteered to run the lost property tent, which will contain only our lost property, as we have already found yours.

  • Halloween Guidelines For Member Businesses

    With Halloween two weeks away, the Network reminds all members of its seasonal guidelines. Black cats are encouraged to sit in prominent windows, as this boosts both brand recognition and general suspicion. Orange cats are advised to stay near pumpkins and look innocent.

    Members offering costumes should price them at no more than 8 treats, and must confirm that each garment can be removed within a single shake. Under no circumstances should any member be dressed as a dog. The Network wishes everyone a happy, safe and slightly spooky season, and reminds you to check the cupboard before closing it.

  • We Have A New Logo, And Compost Has Opinions

    After nine months of work, the Network unveils a new logo: a green paw print, slightly smudged, set against a circle of fur. The design is the work of our branding guild and reflects our values of tradition, belonging and being on the carpet.

    Not everyone is happy. Compost has described the logo as ‘too round’ and has expressed his disapproval by sitting on the original artwork. The design committee has listened to feedback and made a single adjustment: the smudge has been made slightly bigger. Merchandise, including a tote bag and a small sticker, will be available from the Shed by Christmas.

  • Building A Fort: A Cooperative Case Study

    In September, 11 members built a fort out of sofa cushions, two blankets and a clothes airer. The project took four days, three dismissals and one collapse, and demonstrates the strengths and the weaknesses of cooperative construction.

    The strengths: shared labour, a strong sense of ownership, and a very warm interior. The weaknesses: only one door, which everyone wanted to guard; and a leaky roof, caused by the chief architect jumping through it. We recommend future forts be designed with at least two exits, and a clause preventing Compost from lying on the structural beam.

  • Q3 Impact Report: By The Numbers

    The Network’s third quarter has been the most productive in its history. In total, our members produced 1,208 purrs, delivered 41 gifts to doorsteps, and knocked 77 objects from high surfaces with measurable intent.

    • New boxes constructed: 214
    • Sunbeam hours reclaimed: 390
    • Mice successfully negotiated with: 3
    • Humans trained to open the pantry door: 6

    We thank our members for their dedication, and we remind them to submit their timesheets, which are to be written in the dust on the shed window. A full audit will follow in the winter, once the auditor wakes up and finds the ledger, which is currently serving as a bed.

  • Member Spotlight: Kasimir’s Hammock Collective

    Kasimir, a one eyed black cat of quiet principle, runs the Network’s hammock division. His design, the Sway, is stitched from a single discarded dish towel and suspended between two chairs at a height he describes as ‘tactical’.

    Since launch, 83 hammocks have been delivered to feline customers across four postcodes. The company is entirely worker owned, with Kasimir holding 51 percent of shares and a small cousin holding the remainder. In the words of the founder: ‘A hammock does not belong to the man who builds it. It belongs to the cat who lies in it, and he is usually heavier.’

  • An Open Letter To The Laser Pointer

    To whom it may concern, the laser pointer: for years you have appeared on our walls, our floors and our hearts. You offer us hope, and you take it away. You are a red dot with no body, and we are cats with no answers.

    On behalf of the Network, we demand transparency. Who holds the other end? What is your business model? Why, when we finally catch you, is there only a faint warmth on our paws? We will accept no excuses. We will, however, accept one more round, if you are free after dinner.

  • Investors Welcome: Our Series A Pitch

    The Network is delighted to announce that it is seeking its first outside investment. We are looking to raise 40 tins at a valuation of 600 tins, in exchange for a five percent stake and a lifetime supply of friendly head butts.

    Our pitch deck, prepared by Dr. Pounce, contains 14 slides, 11 of which are photographs of her. We project revenue growth of 300 percent next year, based on the expansion of our cardboard line. Investors will receive quarterly updates, delivered by hand, by a cat who will leave halfway through the reading to chase something.

  • Zero Waste Initiative: Eating Everything

    The Network is proud to launch its Zero Waste Initiative. Starting this month, every member commits to finishing the contents of their bowl, with no leftovers, no wasted crumbs, and no mysterious pile of kibble behind the radiator.

    Early results are encouraging. Over the first fortnight, bowl waste fell by 62 percent, though the kitchen floor saw a rise of 140 percent in mysterious crunchy items. A review panel has concluded that the kibble is being moved, not wasted, and that this counts. We will publish a full sustainability report once we find where it all went.